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OMGWTF I need air.
I can’t function right now.
I’m squealing like a dolphin.
Oh shit, this is hilarious. Oh…oh wow.
Guys. Guys seriously.
This will make your day.
I did NOT expect that.
I am sick of Valentine’s Day
Welcome to Singles Awareness Day, where EVERYONE must for some reason have some obligation to ask you: “So what are your plans with your sweetheart today?” To the dumb bitch behind the counter at Starbucks: I am doing NOTHING because I have no “sweetheart”. You are seriously the eighteenth goddamned person to ask me that in the past half-hour, and it is starting to really bug me. Now get me my damned overpriced mocha so I can over-caffeinate my way away from feeling worse about myself as I’m asked that question about twelve more times on my way home.
Things like that irritate the hell out of me. I get angry at nice people with no harmful intent simply because they ask. And ask. And ask. And then they’re so surprised when I say “Oh, nothing.” I mean, look, if I were doing something with someone today, wouldn’t I have them WITH me?
